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Let's Talk

By Kairen Cullen
2010-07-14 11:25:03

Here's how to ensure you and your partner continue to enjoy a healthy relationship, both physically and mentally.

Having a baby is one of the biggest challenges a couple will ever face, testing your time, energy and emotions as never before. Because parenting is a learning process, you can’t expect to get it right all the time. In many cases, there may be more than one correct answer. You just need to see what is right for your baby – like you, he or she is an individual.

Who better than your partner to understand and share this experience with you? The more you communicate with each other, the more support and understanding you will each have to draw from. It really is good to talk. Here are ten reasons why:

1. How you and your partner talk through problems and deal with feelings sets an example for the rest of your family and in turn, becomes the basis for your child’s emotional and social well-being and development.

2. When there’s a problem, two heads really are better than one. Combine your ideas and generate a wider array of solutions.

3. The benefits of learning alongside someone are well-known. The one who is a step or two ahead can help the other.

4. Sharing different viewpoints will give you a better perspective and greater balance.

5. Sharing feelings is important. When you are tired, fed up, and not feeling too secure, talking together will help restore your confidence and build self-esteem.

6. Sharing information about the details of your baby’s daily schedule will make it much easier to take turns and cover for each other so that you can give your partner a break.

7. After a day of baby care, adult conversation is particularly enjoyable and important.

8. You can enjoy the lighter, more humorous moments and have fun together.

9. The closeness and intimacy that comes from being able to say anything in trust and confidence is essential to getting the most out of your relationship with each other, as well as providing the foundation for good sex.

10. Although the stresses and strains are many, the rewards are immeasurable. Being able to share that satisfaction with someone who understands will increase your joy.

Communication

Responsibility for the quality of communication between parents is a shared one. Both of you need to work on listening, sharing airspace, facing and coping with differences, and dealing constructively with conflict and tensions.

Perhaps one of you is always seen as the communicator or has a job that requires good communication skills. If this is the case, you can help your partner develop in this area. Don’t expect the same person to always voice the problems or feelings, as both of you have to deal with them on your own as well.

Communication experts have developed some useful approaches to talking about difficult issues, such as using “I” statements, breathing deeply, and calmly describing your ideas, feelings and wishes. Sitting together at the same level and making good eye contact are important and indicate that you are being direct and honest.

No Taboos

As parents, all topics are open for discussion and there should be no taboos. In the midst of the intense demands of a new baby, sex may become less frequent, testing your relationship to the limit. If this isn’t acknowledged and dealt with, your sex life is unlikely to improve, and deeper resentments can develop.

Each of you needs reassurance that you are still attractive and desirable to the other and that the reduced sexual activity is temporary. It may be a sensitive subject but it is only by talking about feelings and concerns that you can start to make things better.

Use the support that is available to you. A local parent group, babysitting circle, friends and relatives, or a regular paid babysitter will be a worthwhile investment, which will reap important dividends for your relationship.

Some couples talk all the time about anything and everything, while others do much less verbalizing; both types can be equally happy. Everyone is different and you will know what is right for you.

Domestic circumstances vary greatly. Couples not living in their own home or who have other children will have fewer opportunities to speak intimately to each other. Choose times when you can be sure of privacy and freedom from interruptions. You might need to make special arrangements to coincide with others not being around or perhaps even go out on a date.

Evenings can be the best time to talk, but the working partner needs to recognize that the other parent may have been caring for the baby all day and may need some pampering first.

Bear in mind that communication may be either positive or negative; it can be used to affirm your partner, but can also challenge and reject, if you are not careful with your words. If you always try to be caring and affirming, no matter what you talk about, you won’t go too far wrong.

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