Eleven weeks’ pregnant: the biggest scare of my life. Who knew things could change so quickly? I never did realize, until about two weeks’ ago, how being pregnant could be as scary as it is exciting. My pregnancy was going great, and everything was fine. I went to bed exhausted one night, and everything was normal. I woke up at my usual time, 1:30 a.m., to go to the bathroom. I am sure all you moms and moms-to-be know all about that. However, this time ended up being much different. I went to wipe as usual and saw blood. I immediately freaked out since this had never happened to me before while pregnant. I knew something was wrong, I just didn’t know what. All I could think was, I was miscarrying.
I woke my mom up and told her what was going on. She didn’t think that I was miscarrying because I was only spotting, even though it was a bright red color and not pink (which is supposed to be common during the first trimester). So she suggested that I have my doctor paged.
So I did just that, and the on-call doctor for Labor and Delivery phoned me back. She told me that it was probably nothing since, again, I was only spotting and there was only mild pain. She suggested that I lay down, try to get some sleep, elevate my feet and drink lots of water. I finally fell back to sleep around 2:30 a.m. I didn’t wake up again until my husband got up for work at 4:30 a.m. He woke me up, and asked if I was feeling better. I told him no, my stomach was hurting really bad.
My mom called from work at that point to check on me, and I told her that I hadn’t been to the bathroom since that first time. So I got up and went to the bathroom and realized that I had been bleeding on my pad while I was sleeping, and that it was a lot heavier. When I did pee there was a lot of blood. I called the on-call doctor back, and she told me the words I never wanted to hear.
She said, “I am so sorry, it sounds like you are having a miscarriage, and there is nothing we can do to stop it. I wish there was, again, I am so sorry. I know this must be hard to hear, especially after making it to eleven weeks. Make an appointment with your doctor for first thing in the morning to be checked out. ”
I was hysterical. All I could do was say no, no, no, not my baby. This can’t be happening to me. Everything was just fine two weeks ago. The baby was moving, kicking, growing. I heard the heartbeat. Upon thinking of the heartbeat I cried even harder, because that baby was my baby, it grew inside of me. Its heart was beating, it was a real person, a person made with part of me. I would never have my daughter or new son. I would never get to feel my baby move, or hold my baby in my arms, or watch my child do the firsts of everything. My child would never call me Momma. I didn’t think it was possible to get over something like this, the heartbreak it just too painful. I lost my child, my baby Grace or Lucus. This was when I realized that for the first time in my life I knew exactly what other mothers felt when they miscarry. How did they get over such a heartbreak? How do you move on?
Meanwhile, my husband, Chris, kept telling me that it’s okay, we will try again, just trying to ease the heartache. I couldn’t even think of another baby while mine as I knew it was inside of me no longer alive. I couldn’t remember back to one moment of my life being so uncertain of anything, so utterly devastated, so lost with no idea where to turn or what to do.
My mom still wasn’t convinced that I was miscarrying since my bleeding went back to spotting again. I went in to see my ob/gyn. I was like a zombie, nothing even remotely got my attention. So when he did an ultrasound to see if he could see the baby one last time for me, I didn’t even want to look, I couldn’t bear it.
All the sudden I heart it, thump, thump, thump. My head jerked around so fast I am lucky I didn’t end up with whiplash. There it was my baby, still growing ahead of schedule. A strong heartbeat. The baby was kicking, punching, and rolling around. My baby was alive and healthy.
I was diagnosed with a subchronic hematoma, which is just a fancy name for a blood clot in the uterus, while pregnant. The doctor said that I wasn’t out of the scare zone just yet, but I would have a 50/50 chance of the bleeding stopping and the pregnancy continuing like normal, or it would lead to a miscarriage.
That two weeks’ wait till I went back to the doctor was the most excruciating two weeks of my life.
I went back and the blood clot was completely gone, and my doctor told me that I no longer had to worry about miscarrying over it. He said that everything was fine. Thank god!! My baby is okay, I can’t believe it. Now all I have to do is wait until I can feel the baby move, and then also to find out what I am having in September when I turn 21 weeks. So I thank the heavens that my little girl or little boy is okay now. All I want in this world is for my baby to be okay, and be born healthy, to be here to meet his or her big brothers. All I want is to hold my baby.