As quickly as we found out we were expecting a second baby, disappointment came knocking at our door and interrupted our joy of being pregnant. Two weeks after my husband and I found out I was almost seven weeks’ pregnant, we had a doctor’s visit that revealed the pregnancy was unsuccessful.
The ultrasound revealed an empty gestational sac; the embryo hadn’t fully developed. I was devastated. Before the doctor could get the words out, I told her what she already knew. There was no baby. After tears and rounds of “Did this happen because I did this and that,” my husband and I drove home to grieve the loss of what failed to be.
Though I have a beautiful, bright, 15-month-old who has filled my world with joy and brought out more love in me than I thought my small frame could contain, I also had so much love stored up for the baby I was expecting to meet on March 12, 2014. I was in a dark place; my heart ached with extreme disappointment, fear, confusion and sorrow. In the moment, I really did not know what I could do to initiate the healing process. I just felt stuck and hopeless.
After a day of grieving, meditation and prayer, I woke up with the determination that I would stop wallowing in guilt, shame and self-pity. These feelings got me nowhere and could not change my unfortunate situation. I had to move on to more positive thinking for the sake of my daughter and husband, as well as myself.
I really grappled with whether or not to write this blog. I did not know whether it was appropriate or too revealing. In the end, I felt it was important to be open and honest about the joys and pains that are common in families. A miscarriage isn’t anything uncommon. Many women have experienced this loss; there are resources available for women who might one day experience this.
My hope is that anyone who has had a common experience feels some sense of encouragement. My hope is that you don’t feel discouragement about your dreams or attempts at becoming pregnant; this does not have to be the end. My hope is that anyone stuck in a space of pain, confusion or guilt finds the strength to claw her way out through available resources, family, friends and faith.
In this life we experience many highs, but unfortunately we aren’t exempt from life’s lows. Be encouraged, it gets better.