Taylor has been suffering from an ongoing ear infection. Every month she is given a new round of medication that will “do the trick.” Within about three to four weeks, cue in the fever, appetite loss, and scratching and tugging at her ears, the magical potion just didn’t work. It seems like a never ending cycle; one that is common, no less, but waiting for a referral to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor is like waiting for an invitation to a Grammy’s after-party. With divine intervention, we could gain access.
While we wait to see whether the ear infections will heal or whether it is necessary for Taylor to receive tubes, I am missing days at work. When I miss work, I feel guilty, like an undedicated employee. I feel as though I’m letting my students down. When I send Taylor to daycare in pain, I feel guilty, like an undedicated mommy. I feel as though I’m letting my daughter down. Yes, this cycle of guilt is common in mothers. I know several mothers who made the decision to work part-time, rather than full-time; however, that’s not an option for me. Thus, I am left feeling guilty, as though I am not fulfilling both roles well.
My husband is so level-headed about it all, while I am quite emotional, hence our pairing. He says that when you have to choose between family and work, always side with family. I get it, my daughter will always be my greatest priority; I just hope everyone else gets it. I must add that I have not experienced a lack of support. Luckily, I work with understanding people and mothers that have had the same issues. This battle of guilt appears more self-inflicted.